11/ 21/ 2006
by Joe Mullich
As soon as Los Angeles-based computer consultant Ken Summers picked up the phone, his client started yelling. The client, a real-estate agent, demanded to know why the Web site Summers had designed for him didn't have the snazzy features he just found on a competitor's site. He also wondered aloud whether he was being overcharged.
After letting him vent for a while, Summers calmly responded, "Yes, those are unique features, and I can see why you would notice them." He reminded the client of his strict budget, and then ticked off the additional cost of the bells and whistles that caught his attention. Gently, Summers noted that his $50-an-hour fee was actually quite a bargain, especially since he threw in things like drive time to the client's location for free.
By the end, the client was telling Summers how much he loved his Web site and even scheduled some additional computer maintenance work. Not every difficult conversation with a client, partner, employee or vendor can be solved so readily, but the basic template Summers used can make most of them easier.
Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High (McGraw-Hill, 2002), recommends five steps for tough talks:
- Manage your emotions. Instead of yelling back or becoming angry, look at the other person as a rational human being. Try to consider their actions or comments from their point of view.
- Create a safe environment. If an employee produces a marketing brochure full of costly errors, state your positive intentions before your censure. "My No. 1 goal is for you to succeed here. We selected you carefully and think you're a keeper, but I need to give you some feedback that will be tough to hear. May I do that?" This approach will make sure the employee hears your feedback instead of instantly shutting down. Key element: Ask for permission to share your criticism.
- Lay out the facts. People get defensive upon hearing vague complaints that they need to perform better or have a better attitude. Come to these conversations aimed with specific data: The person's sales are half of the department average, or six times last week he approached a new customer when it was another salesperson's turn.
- Make the dialogue two-way. Give the other person a chance to share his perspective. A difficult conversation should never be a monologue.
- Just do it. Many people avoid difficult conversations, letting a bad situation fester. Always ask yourself what the potential cost is of putting off a difficult conversation.
