01/ 31/ 2006
Tomorrow morning, you could walk into the office and find that one of your employees is facing a traumatic event. It could be a serious family illness, a tragic accident or death. It could involve divorce or a serious family problem. The event might be public or private.
Whatever the circumstances, you know all too well that the incident will deeply affect your employee––and his or her work. You can't erase trauma from the lives of your employees. But when confronted with it, you can address it positively and sensitively by following these suggestions:
Get the facts. While you can't control the problem, you can learn what did––and did not––happen. Sit down privately with the employee. Simply asking the employee to describe the unfortunate event or incident gives him or her the opportunity to share. More importantly, it sets the stage for what you need to do next.
Put the employee in control. Facing a crisis or tragedy leaves most people feeling helpless and powerless. While the emotions of the event may linger long after it is over, you can help restore a small measure of control to the employee’s life by letting him know of your thoughts and support. If appropriate, ask how you can help.
Keep the conversation non-directive. Empathy, not sympathy, makes the difference. The key to empathy is genuinely non-directive conversation, such as comments that reinforce the feelings and thoughts of your distressed employee. Your instinct may suggest a sympathetic response: “I want you to know that I feel so badly for you.” A non-directive response is better: “I hear how upset you feel about the aftermath …”
Keep it specific. If you're like most people, talking in the midst of someone’s tragedy is hard, even painful. It’s easy to resort to superficial comments and platitudes in the “things-will-be-all-right” vein. But remember, your employee is confronting specifics––times, dates, circumstances and needs––and your willingness to talk about the details may be affirming to him or her.
Record what’s necessary. While you don't usually think about record keeping when you're talking with an employee facing a crisis, notes can be important. For starters, you need to be sure that you document any comments or agreements you make about work-related issues. These can include comments about time off, salary or wage payments during an absence or reallocation of duties to other staff. In the emotion of the moment, it’s easy to forget critical details about the problem, so note taking immediately after the conversation is usually essential.
Release necessary information. Rumors are rarely helpful, and beyond the issue of rumors, other employees want to know what’s going on with their peers. While you should never release information of a highly personal nature, news about employee illness, death of a family member, or a fire or natural disaster will often bring support from an employee’s co-workers. Get the information out as soon as possible, in brief memo form or in a staff meeting so that everyone hears the same news––but only after you let your distressed employee know of your intentions.
Keep your emotional distance. Should you demonstrate your commitment to your employee? Show support? Of course. But avoid becoming tangled in family or personal issues, offering unsolicited advice or making assurances that you can't keep. A supportive, but objective demeanor on your part is a logical extension of your role as a leader or manager––and it can mean the world to an employee in trouble.
