NFIB

Harvey King’s Irrefutable Laws of Business Travel
01/ 24/ 2006
by Harvey King

About twice a week, I join millions of other American vagabonds wandering through a confusing maze called “business travel.” Right before these trips, my assistant hands me a folder filled with all sorts of information about when and where I need to be and lots of confirmation numbers to help me convince employees of hotels, car rental agencies, airlines, conferences and restaurants that despite what their computers say, they should be expecting me. Miraculously, more often than not, I end up where I'm sent and—I always find this most shocking—someone expects me.

During these trips, I've developed a set of observations and theories regarding business travel. Here are just a few of my findings:

1. A hotel room costing less than $100 per night is more likely to have free Internet access than a hotel room costing more than $300 per night.

2. Within five minutes of your hotel, you can purchase bottled water and beer for one-half (often one-third) the price of the water and beer in your room’s mini-bar.

3. Within five minutes of your hotel, you can find a restaurant that delivers better-tasting food than your hotel’s room service (at half the price).

4. You can save at least $10 (and sometimes, a whole lot more) by saying the following upon checking into a hotel: “Are you sure this is the right rate? I always get a much better rate than this. That’s the reason I always choose to stay here.”

5. On Amtrak, the only difference between business class and coach class is the fare. (I don't know if this applies to Amtrak’s Acela trains since they have only business class and first class, and I'm too cheap to find out if the higher fare comes with any special privileges other than a special waiting room.)

6. When the ticket agent says those with a “condition” can pre-board the plane, it doesn't include those whose condition is the fear of getting a middle seat on an open-seating flight.

7. On a business trip lasting more than two days, you can always find a use for a gallon-size resealable plastic bag.

8. Electronic devices always should be turned off during take offs and landings, unless it’s one of the tens of thousands of electronic devices and components used to operate a modern jet aircraft.

9. If it won't fit in a roller bag that fits in an overhead compartment sideways, you don't need to pack it. This is true even for trips lasting weeks.

10. No matter how talented they are, flight attendants never should sing an original version of the Barney song, “I Love You, You Love Me.”

There are more, but they'll have to wait. See, I'm late for a plane.

Small Business Sound Off
Does this story hit home?  Share your story with us