06/ 21/ 2005
by Jeffrey Moses
It's often said that with the long hours many people spend at work these days, no one would ever have time for romance if it weren't for dating a co-worker.
Dating someone from work has certain immediate advantages. Certainly, thousands of workplace romances have resulted in satisfying, long-lasting relationships and marriage. Working daily with a person can offer a glimpse into how he or she interacts with others, handles responsibility, deals with stress, reacts to sudden emergencies and feels about loyalty to co-workers and supervisors. In other words, seeing and interacting with a person at work can go a long way toward showing how he or she will respond to the numerous factors upon which a satisfying relationship depends.
There are, however, distinct disadvantages as well, both to the individuals involved and to the business. These include potential disruption caused by loss of attention to work, jealousy among co-workers, and, of course, the overriding drawback to any office romance: the potential for antagonism between the individuals if they break up inimically and are forced to continue to work together.
This last point is the foundation for the widespread belief that romance between co-workers should be avoided at all costs. Spiteful former lovers working closely together can undermine office morale, cause tension among all who work with them and even cost one or both individuals their jobs. In small companies, this problem can be especially irksome because it's usually not possible to transfer one of the individuals. Larger companies may have numerous divisions and locations to which people can be judiciously shuffled, but a busted romance in a small company may leave the individuals facing each other hour after hour through the day with extreme discomfort to all involved.
Beyond that, potential sexual harassment lawsuits can result if one of the individuals asserts he or she was coerced into the relationship by threat of job termination, reduction in salary, demotion, a loss of promotion or loss of benefits. Such allegations and lawsuits are so frequent, in fact, that many companies adopt formal guidelines against dating among employees, especially among employees and supervisors. Penalties for violation of these guidelines range from severe reprimand to job termination.
The guideline that has had the most acceptance among employees is a restriction of relationships between employees and supervisors. Most workers understand and appreciate the sense of this.
When establishing formal policies regarding office relationships, you should include the following key elements:
1. Define in the policies exactly what types of relationships will and will not be tolerated.
2. Define what actions will be undertaken if the policies are violated (transfer, job termination, etc.)
3. Put it in writing that any alleged sexual harassment will be handled in a legally proper manner. This means that management should implement specific and systematic procedures from the moment any such allegations are brought forth—whether they seem founded or not. The improper handling of a sexual harassment lawsuit can cost a company tens of thousands of dollars and even more. Consult with an attorney experienced in these matters to establish a systematic response plan—i.e., a procedure that creates a paper trail that proves the company handled the matter thoroughly and legally.
All this being said, office romances are inevitable. Rules, admonitions and personal advice to potential lovers will never dissuade them. Guidelines will never thwart a budding romance; they will simply drive the romance into hiding.
Informally, management can meet separately or together with both individuals when the relationship becomes known. At the meeting, it can be determined if the relationship is consensual, and if any degree or form of intimidation or harassment is involved.
Bottom line: have office romances changed with the new millennium? Yes—they are even more complex now than in the past. At best, the individuals involved and the company management need to be informed about potential ramifications and act in advance to avoid potentially serious problems.
