NFIB

Left Unsaid
04/ 01/ 2004

by Karen J. Bannan

The year was 1999 and the employees of Palo Alto Software were embroiled in a debate. Half of the 35 employees wanted to change the business model and provide the company's business planning software online exclusively. The other half wanted to stick with the status quo and continue offering software licenses. The debate got heated at times, says Tim Berry, the Eugene, Ore.-based company's founder and president, but it didn't hurt the process. Employees felt comfortable voicing their opinions and faced each other straight on, he says, something that was great for morale and the process.

"Conflict is good. You can't keep people interested in their jobs without some form of conflict," says Berry. "It helps your employees come up with new ideas and makes your existing business better."

Although it might sound strange, experts say Berry is right. Conflict is necessary and important, especially in the business world. It ignites the spark of creativity. It keeps relationships and businesses from stagnating. But unfortunately, most people don't see conflict for what it is: an impetus for change. Instead, many small-business owners feel threatened or frightened by it. And that's when problems start.

When Good Employees Go Bad American Heritage Dictionary defines "postal" as slang that means "extremely angry or deranged, especially in an outburst of violence." It's a nod to the rare instances that United States Postal Service workers have been violent in response to workplace conflicts. Although employees occasionally go "postal" when they have unresolved issues in the workplace, the majority of workers don't come to the office brandishing a gun. Instead, they act out in ways that can be just as destructive to the business. Two challenges can occur when employees are afraid of bringing conflict out in the open. The first -- keeping problems to themselves -- affects employee satisfaction.

"Unresolved conflicts can lead to passive-aggressive behavior or a lack of productivity," says Dr. Allen Weiner, Ph.D., co-managing director with the Woodland Hills, Calif.-based consulting firm Communication Development Associates. "You might see it as people coming in a little late, missing meetings, being quiet when they are usually verbose. These are definite warning signs that something is wrong."

The second option can be even more destructive: Discussing their problem with third parties -- usually other employees. This process, which psychologists call triangling, can poison an entire office, explains John G. Miller, the author of QBQ!: The Question Behind the Question (Denver Press, 2001). Once one employee starts griping, others follow, setting up an us-against-them mentality.

"Uncovering the cancer of triangling is crucial," says Miller. "Most business owners are busy making the sale or doing the job and forget about tending to business at home. It's something that must be taken care of first."

Both scenarios can lead to employee turnover, disloyalty, decreased productivity and even company theft. Physical laborers may have more accidents in the workplace.

Healthy Mind, Healthy Body The first step toward resolving conflicts before they spiral out of control is creating a culture that rewards employees for their candor. Everyone in your organization should feel comfortable expressing his or her concern or displeasure about an issue. One expert says the best way to do this is to institute a company sit-down policy. This lets any employee request a face-to-face meeting to discuss issues.

"Whenever the need arises, people have an outlet to resolve their issues," explains Deborrah Himsel, vice president of organizational effectiveness at Avon Products and author of Leadership Sopranos Style (Dearborn Trade, 2003). Himsel suggests having a non-partial third party at the meeting who can act as a moderator. "The parties lay out the facts and then the facilitator says, 'Let's talk about where we agree and disagree.' "

Steve Money, the co-founder of Five Star Homes in Boulder, Colo., says his employees often use sit-downs as a development tool. Just recently, his five-person sales staff requested a time with him to chat about growth and development concerns they had.

"During a meeting like this, you get everything out on the table," says Money. "It's a solid business tool because what your employees want may not be the same thing you want and by bringing out issues, you can redirect and find a common focus."

Dr. Weiner also advocates a face-to-face meeting, but suggests doing so in a neutral location such as in a restaurant, on a plane, or during a walk around the building. "This encourages discussions that have a tennis quality to them," he says. "Lots of dialogue and back-and-forth."

Both discussion methods, experts say, will work only if everyone involved actively listens, is willing to make a change, and avoids getting defensive. Managers should discourage whining and make sure discussions don't disintegrate into bashing sessions.

Palo Alto Software's Berry says his employees follow these exact rules. In addition, managers, who are empowered to make their own decisions about the situation, and employees are supported even if their decisions have a negative outcome. And he often rewards conflict that has a positive outcome.

"We promoted a support tech who disagreed with how to do something and as a result, changed the way we do business," says Berry. "Sure, conflict sometimes leads to bad decisions, but we continue to support our employees even if they make mistakes."

His strategy seems to work. Eight out of the 10 employees who were on the Palo Alto payroll in 1995 are still with the company.

After all, says John G. Miller, business owners need differing points of view.

"Just because the small-business owner is good at one thing doesn't mean he or she is good at everything," he says. "The most successful people welcome workplace conflict."

Don't Get Mad, Get Practical

How to diffuse any difficult situation Conflicts become growth opportunities when you deal with them effectively. Experts offer these tips:

1. Take the emotion out of it. The worst thing you can do when dealing with a conflict is become defensive or angry. If you start feeling upset, excuse yourself for a moment, count to 10, and return when you're feeling objective again.

2. Become a better listener. We've all done it: Someone says something we don't like, and we're instantly thinking about a rebuttal. That's the wrong move, says Ernest Doud, managing partner with DoudHausnerVistar, a strategic business advisory firm in Glendale, Calif. "Most people have their ears open but they aren't listening. When you do that, you lose an opportunity. If you aren't listening, you're missing out." Before you respond to a statement, ask another question: Can you tell me more about it?

3. Find the common ground. We have a tendency to focus on things we disagree on, which is counterproductive. "If you think about it, there's always a lot more we agree about than we disagree about," says Robert Pennington, Ph.D., an educational psychologist and partner at Resource International. When you acknowledge commonality, you instantly diffuse the situation.

4. Give constructive criticism. Your employees will be more inclined to come to you with problems if they feel that they are appreciated and taken seriously. That said, praise your employees when they come and talk to you about hard issues. Says Dr. Pennington: "Appreciate the person, challenge the issues, and bring about change."

Still dread conflict? These books may help.

The Coward's Guide to Conflict by Tim Ursiny, (Sourcebooks, Inc., 2003) -- A guide for those who would rather run than fight.

From Conflict to Creativity: How Resolving Workplace Disagreements Can Inspire Innovation and Productivity by Sy Landau, Barbara Landau and Daryl Landau (Jossey-Bass, 2001) -- Learn how to turn workplace conflict into a growth opportunity.

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This article originally appeared in the April/May 2004 issue of MyBusiness magazine.

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