NFIB

Are You Listening?
03/ 25/ 2002

By Rebecca L. Morgan

John Scully, former Apple Computer CEO, was asked by a reporter, "If you could change your title from Chief Executive Officer, what would you change it to?" He replied, "Chief Listener."

Tom Peters says "The highest compliment you can pay a customer is to listen."

Someone once told me, "Most of us are compulsive talkers and selective listeners. We need to be compulsive listeners and selective talkers."

We know that listening is important. So why don't we listen better?

Often we take others in our life for granted. We think we know what they're going to say. For example, consider the people you live with. How do you listen to them? I remember when I first dated my husband. I hung on his every word. He was fascinating. He was so intelligent. He knew so much. He was enthralling.

Do you remember such a time? Do you listen the same way now?

Listening well means showing people you're listening. In fact, you can tell when someone is listening. Remember what your parents always said: Look at me when I'm talking to you. Your body language telegraphs your listening level. However, some people are good at masking their disinterest. They make eye contact, nod and say "uh huh," even though they're not really listening. Their porch light is on, but nobody's home.

Another reason people don't listen well is because of biases and prejudices. I'm not proud to admit that I've allowed biases to get in the way of my listening well. I became acutely aware of this one day, when my then 15-year-old stepson, Alex, came home with an orange mohawk. When he spoke I worked to focus on his face and ignore the distraction of the orange spikes on his head. I brought my attention back to his face, tried to listen and was distracted again by his skeleton earring.

I realized that I had an opinion about young men who have punk haircuts that live in my house. It didn't bother me that his friends had green, purple, and bright red hair. It didn't even bother me that his girlfriend had a matching haircut! But it did bother me that this young man, living in my house, did. I saw a prejudice that I hadn't seen before.

We all have prejudices. We may not like someone's clothes, make up, speech patterns or haircut. Yet we need to strive to listen to them fully.

Listening is a critical skill for success and not an easy one to acquire. We can all improve our listening. I hope you see the value in becoming the Chief Listener in your life.

Rebecca L. Morgan, CSP, CMC, focuses on creating innovative solutions for people-productivity challenges. She's appeared on 60 Minutes, Oprah, National Public Radio and in USA Today. She's authored four books and co-authored three more. For information on her services, books and tapes contact her at 800.247.9662, rebecca@RebeccaMorgan.com, www.RebeccaMorgan.com.

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