NFIB

Four Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman
04/ 01/ 2002

by Maia Appleby

Pregnancy is a wonderful time in a woman's life. Unfortunately, during this time of hormonal chaos and aching legs, many women are also much more easily hurt and even downright moody than they had previously been.

As a pregnant woman working as a personal trainer and assistant manager of a country club fitness center, I have had to discuss my pregnancy endlessly with my clients and co-workers. Although most people offer a great deal of support and encouragement, some of these conversations have been less than pleasant.

For the betterment of work environments in small businesses across the nation, I've compiled a brief list of remarks that will NOT go over well with an expectant mother, and suggestions of how better to approach each subject. If you work with or associate with a pregnant woman, remembering these few things just may make you one of her favorite people in the world.

No. 1: "I can see it (your pregnancy) in your face."

Interpretation: "What does she mean? Is she talking about the extra chin that's starting to hang down or the dark circles under my eyes? Is it the rash I've had on my cheek ever since month two? I must look like a complete ogre!" A pregnant woman is struggling with many changes, but she hopes to be able to maintain some control over her face. This type of comment will undoubtedly freak her out.

A better way to put it: "You definitely have that glow that pregnant women have!"

No. 2: (Stretching your hands out) "You must be carrying a girl (or boy) because you're carrying it like this!"

Interpretation: Everyone knows that pregnant women carry babies in front. As fun as it may be to try to predict the baby's gender, the mother-to-be will find it annoying if you use her body shape to make such predictions. When you say this to a woman, she immediately wonders what exactly it is that she's carrying in the places you gestured toward. All she knows is that it isn't the baby.

A better way: There is none. Just keep your mouth shut.

No. 3: "Really? You like the name Gregory? I guess it's okay, but I like Justin better."

Interpretation: When you ask the future mother what she plans to name the child, be prepared to accept that name. If she hasn't asked you for suggestions, she probably doesn't want them. Pretend that this is already the name of her child, not just a potential name. How would you like it if you introduced yourself to someone and they said, "Molly? Oh, I don't like that. It's too cutesy."

A better way: Say something positive or neutral. Or nothing at all.

No. 4: "I know women who did aerobics until the day they went into labor."

Interpretation: If she works full-time, has other children and/or other commitments and is completely exhausted, she won't appreciate this. Some women have it easy and breeze through pregnancy, participating in sports and everything. Others aren't so fortunate.

A better way: "It's really good that you're able to work and keep your life together through this. Do you get enough rest?" This way, she'll feel respected and appreciated.

Keep in mind that pregnant women in the workplace are carrying more than babies. They're also toting backaches, fatigue, swollen feet, varicose veins, more fatigue, heartburn, nausea... did I say fatigue? The more considerate and respectful you can be, the easier you'll make each day.

Appleby is assistant manager at Aberdeen Golf & Country Club in Boynton Beach, Fla.

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This article originally appeared in the July/August 2001 issue of MyBusiness Magazine, NFIB's member magazine.

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