NFIB

Survivor on Main Street
10/ 17/ 2003

by Harvey King

Memorandum

To: VP Programming, CBS Television Network

Subject: Programming Pitch for Your Summer Television Line-up

We need to take a meeting ASAP to discuss my idea for a summer replacement program for all those jungle and island "reality" shows you're running these days. I'm calling it "Survival at the Corner of Temptation and Main," and it's set in some unnamed Middle America town (but, hey, if you want a warmer climate so folks can wear swim suits, that's fine also).

We'll recruit five two-person teams currently in "committed relationships" to big companies and offer them the chance to own their very own small business. During the 10-week series, we'll follow each of the small business teams through a series of "temptations" and "opportunities" and see how each person responds.

At the end of each episode, a secret board we'll call "the invisible hand," made up of bankers, lawyers, politicians, employees and folks pulled in off the street, will vote to see who gets "thrown off" Main Street.

We'll have cameras set up everywhere so we can follow the action inside each business. Each episode, we'll have a different theme. For instance, during the episode titled "Greed," let's have a potential customer or client arrive in each business and offer the owners the biggest order they've ever seen...one that will make them hugely successful overnight. But then, we'll throw in a twist: They have to get the order fulfilled immediately. What will happen? Will they go deep in debt for the resources to get the job done? Will they take a pass and keep focused on conservative, steady growth? At the end of the episode, three of the teams learn the order has been canceled. Wow, can't you just feel the ratings growing?

Another week, titled "Helping You," we'll feature a series of visits by agents of the IRS, state sales tax office, local codes, EPA and OSHA. Each visitor will ask for an hour-long meeting and sneak inspection, and then will leave a stack of documents to fill out. Riveting, huh?

Oh, did I mention the episode where a customer slips on the sidewalk and sues the business owner for having a nice display in their window that distracted them from their normal walking pattern? Heck, we can even throw in some office romances and a visit by some union organizers if you don't think the idea has enough sex and violence yet.

By the end of the series, the viewers have seen four-out-of-five of the businesses close, and the company left has only one of its team members remaining. Think of the ratings record we'll hit in the last episode when that final person is named "Small Business Owner of the Year" by the local office of the SBA.

Have your person call my person and maybe we can do lunch to talk some more. I'm busy next week pitching the Fox folks, however, so we better move fast. Ciao.

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Harvey King is the pen name of a real small business owner. Write him in care of MyBusiness, or at hking@mybusinessmag.com.

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This article originally appeared in the March/April 2001 issue of MyBusiness Magazine, NFIB's member magazine.

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