NFIB

Answers to Tough Questions
03/ 12/ 2004


How can you expect us to go along with this? Is this meeting going to be a waste of my time like all the others? How do we know this project is really needed? Barbed questions demand careful, thoughtful responses, but it's hard to be logical when you're under fire.

Authors Al Guyant and Shirley Fultoncome to the rescue with Manager's Tough Questions Answer Book (Prentice Hall,1996). Guyant spoke recently with contributor Karen Bankston about the book, which promises "Word for Word Responses for the Most Difficult Questions Managers Face."

Your book examines a variety of tough situations, from firing employees to handling irate customers. What do those questions have in common?

The common thread is how we can take control of tough questions and hostile comments through "bridging." Bridging is simply using a line of logic that leads the questioner or the critical person from the problem to either the solution or a new topic area that's safer for you. Sometimes it's wiser to deal with the issue, but sometimes, especially in really angry confrontations, it's best to go to a different area. The idea of bridging is having a goal and using the various techniques to get there by controlling the discussion.

But your job isn't to deflect or dissolve the questioner's anger?

That's right. You can't reach into their mind and flip a switch that calms them down. Only the angry person calms himself down, but you can lead him to that point. One of the bridges -- the past, present, future formula -- is best for that. You ask people what happened. They're very anxious to tell you. Then you ask them what's happening now, and they're very pleased to know you want to know what's happening now. Then you reach a fork in the road where you can either say, "What do you want to happen?" or "This is what I think can happen." You take them into the future, the only place where solutions can happen. What that does is organizes the upset person. They start to vent as they are giving you the facts, so you are getting information as they're venting, which is more efficient. You can turn a20-minute angry call into a 10-minute angry call.

How can you train yourself to think logically when you're under verbal attack?

There's a line in the book, "These are meant to put ideas in your head, not words in your mouth." People should find the techniques that work for them and then adapt them to their own style. They should find what fits them. Secondly, once they realize that with some of these techniques they can gain control, they'll also gain more confidence. And thirdly, they need to set a goal in any situation and do their self-talk. Here's an example. A father's in a big argument with his daughter about whether she can wear a micro-miniskirt when the phone rings. It's his mother, so he switches his voice to be really pleasant. We all can do that. We can put on that same temporary act in a stressful situation and say, "I can be really pleasant here for the next five, ten minutes."

The one thing that you can't do, though, is say to yourself in those situations, "This person is really a jerk," because thinking one way and acting another really slows your strategic thinking. And it shows in your face and voice.

To obtain a free sample chapter from Manager's Tough Questions Answer Book via fax, e-mail your fax number to Guyant at aguyant@ix.netcom.com

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